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Funny-Poems.biz - Must Read funny poems :

 

Please Mrs Butler by Allan Ahlberg

On the Ning Nang Nong by Spike Milligan

Bazonka by Spike Milligan

The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carroll

The White Rabbit's Verses by Lewis Carroll

The Aliens Have Landed! by Kenn Nesbitt

The Vulture by Hilaire Belloc

The Pig by Roald Dahl

Hot and Cold by Roald Dahl

Asparagus by Marriott Edgar

To a Vegetarian Haggis by Stuart McLean

A Warning on Spontaneous Combustion by Stuart McLean

Ode Tae a Bumble Bee by Stuart McLean

 
   
  This weeks funniest poems:

Please Mrs Butler by Allan Ahlberg

Please Mrs. Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps copying my work, Miss.
What shall I do?
Go and sit in the hall, dear.
Go and sit in the sink.
Take your books on the roof, my lamb.
Do whatever you think.

Please Mrs. Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps taking my rubber, Miss.
What shall I do?

Keep it in your hand, dear.
Hide it up your vest.
Swallow it if you like, my love.
Do what you think best.

Please Mrs. Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps calling me rude names, Miss.
What shall I do?

Lock yourself in the cupboard, dear.
Run away to sea.
Do whatever you can, my flower.
But don't ask me!

This weeks funniest poems:

A Warning on Spontaneous Combustion by Stuart McLean
 

O whisky is the king of drinks,
Renowned the world o’er,
But here’s a word o’ caution,
Tae think of when ye pour.
There’s a certain combination,
That tastes so very good,
But when it hits your tummy,
And mixes with your food.
That’s when the trouble starts,
For yer pleasure hits overload,
And half an hour later,
Ye’ll suddenly explode.
So there ye are in the pub,
Completely engulfed in flames,
And yer good wife’s dashing home,
Tae lodge insurance claims.
Well now that I have told ye,
Don’t say ye’ve no’ been warned,
So don’t try it oot yersel’,
Or ye’ll soon be bein’ mourned.

(From No' Rabbie Burns) Click on image for details:

 
 

Recommended love poetry books.

Comic Poems

Book Description
This treasury of humorous poems brings together a sparkling constellation of witty poets–from Lord Rochester to Lewis Carroll, from Edward Lear to Ogden Nash, from Dorothy Parker to W. H. Auden–and embraces a wide range of forms, including limericks, clerihews, ballads, sonnets, and nonsense verse.
Comic Poems is studded with unforgettable classics, along with lesser-known comic gems from across the ages, from ancient Rome to modern America. Here is the immortal "How Pleasant to Know Mr. Lear" beside No‘l Coward's "Mad Dogs and Englishmen"; the incomparable "Jabberwocky" next to the famous "There was a young lady of Riga." From Cole Porter and John Updike on love and marriage to Stevie Smith and Dorothy Parker on mortality to the ever-talented Anonymous on almost anything, the light hearted poetry collected here ranges from the most delightful nonsense to the most sophisticated wit.



 

The Top 500 Poems

Book Description

This is the story of poetry in English, a collection of the best 500 poems, based not on one critic's choice, not on one poet's choice, but on the collective choice of 550 critics, editors, and poets.