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A selection of random funny poems from our vast
collection of 100000 poems by famous and less famous
poets - enjoy! Funny 10th anniversary poems and other poetry
Myself And Mine by Walt Whitman
Myself and mine gymnastic ever,
To stand the cold or heat--to take good aim with a gun--to sail a
boat--to manage horses--to beget superb children,
To speak readily and clearly--to feel at home among common people,
And to hold our own in terrible positions, on land and sea.
Not for an embroiderer;
(There will always be plenty of embroiderers--I welcome them also;)
But for the fibre of things, and for inherent men and women.
Not to chisel ornaments,
But to chisel with free stroke the heads and limbs of plenteous
Supreme Gods, that The States may realize them, walking and
talking.
Let me have my own way;
Let others promulge the laws--I will make no account of the laws;
Let others praise eminent men and hold up peace--I hold up agitation
and conflict;
I praise no eminent man--I rebuke to his face the one that was
thought most worthy.
(Who are you? you mean devil! And what are you secretly guilty of,
all your life?
Will you turn aside all your life? Will you grub and chatter all your
life?)
(And who are you--blabbing by rote, years, pages, languages,
reminiscences,
Unwitting to-day that you do not know how to speak a single word?)
Let others finish specimens--I never finish specimens;
I shower them by exhaustless laws, as Nature does, fresh and modern
continually.
I give nothing as duties;
What others give as duties, I give as living impulses;
(Shall I give the heart's action as a duty?)
Let others dispose of questions--I dispose of nothing--I arouse
unanswerable questions;
Who are they I see and touch, and what about them?
What about these likes of myself, that draw me so close by tender
directions and indirections?
I call to the world to distrust the accounts of my friends, but
listen to my enemies--as I myself do;
I charge you, too, forever, reject those who would expound me--for I
cannot expound myself;
I charge that there be no theory or school founded out of me;
I charge you to leave all free, as I have left all free.
After me, vista!
O, I see life is not short, but immeasurably long;
I henceforth tread the world, chaste, temperate, an early riser, a
steady grower,
Every hour the semen of centuries--and still of centuries.
I will follow up these continual lessons of the air, water, earth;
I perceive I have no time to lose
= = = = = = = = = =
Death and Fame by Allen Ginsberg
When I die
I don't care what happens to my body
throw ashes in the air, scatter 'em in East River
bury an urn in Elizabeth New Jersey, B'nai Israel Cemetery
But l want a big funeral
St. Patrick's Cathedral, St. Mark's Church, the largest synagogue in
Manhattan
First, there's family, brother, nephews, spry aged Edith stepmother
96, Aunt Honey from old Newark,
Doctor Joel, cousin Mindy, brother Gene one eyed one ear'd, sister-
in-law blonde Connie, five nephews, stepbrothers & sisters
their grandchildren,
companion Peter Orlovsky, caretakers Rosenthal & Hale, Bill Morgan--
Next, teacher Trungpa Vajracharya's ghost mind, Gelek Rinpoche,
there Sakyong Mipham, Dalai Lama alert, chance visiting
America, Satchitananda Swami
Shivananda, Dehorahava Baba, Karmapa XVI, Dudjom Rinpoche,
Katagiri & Suzuki Roshi's phantoms
Baker, Whalen, Daido Loorie, Qwong, Frail White-haired Kapleau
Roshis, Lama Tarchen --
Then, most important, lovers over half-century
Dozens, a hundred, more, older fellows bald & rich
young boys met naked recently in bed, crowds surprised to see each
other, innumerable, intimate, exchanging memories
'He taught me to meditate, now I'm an old veteran of the thousand
day retreat --'
'I played music on subway platforms, I'm straight but loved him he
loved me'
'I felt more love from him at 19 than ever from anyone'
'We'd lie under covers gossip, read my poetry, hug & kiss belly to belly
arms round each other'
'I'd always get into his bed with underwear on & by morning my
skivvies would be on the floor'
'Japanese, always wanted take it up my bum with a master'
'We'd talk all night about Kerouac & Cassady sit Buddhalike then
sleep in his captain's bed.'
'He seemed to need so much affection, a shame not to make him happy'
'I was lonely never in bed nude with anyone before, he was so gentle my
stomach
shuddered when he traced his finger along my abdomen nipple to hips-- '
'All I did was lay back eyes closed, he'd bring me to come with mouth
& fingers along my waist'
'He gave great head'
So there be gossip from loves of 1948, ghost of Neal Cassady commin-
gling with flesh and youthful blood of 1997
and surprise -- 'You too? But I thought you were straight!'
'I am but Ginsberg an exception, for some reason he pleased me.'
'I forgot whether I was straight gay queer or funny, was myself, tender
and affectionate to be kissed on the top of my head,
my forehead throat heart & solar plexus, mid-belly. on my prick,
tickled with his tongue my behind'
'I loved the way he'd recite 'But at my back allways hear/ time's winged
chariot hurrying near,' heads together, eye to eye, on a
pillow --'
Among lovers one handsome youth straggling the rear
'I studied his poetry class, 17 year-old kid, ran some errands to his
walk-up flat,
seduced me didn't want to, made me come, went home, never saw him
again never wanted to... '
'He couldn't get it up but loved me,' 'A clean old man.' 'He made
sure I came first'
This the crowd most surprised proud at ceremonial place of honor--
Then poets & musicians -- college boys' grunge bands -- age-old rock
star Beatles, faithful guitar accompanists, gay classical con-
ductors, unknown high Jazz music composers, funky trum-
peters, bowed bass & french horn black geniuses, folksinger
fiddlers with dobro tamborine harmonica mandolin auto-
harp pennywhistles & kazoos
Next, artist Italian romantic realists schooled in mystic 60's India,
Late fauve Tuscan painter-poets, Classic draftsman Massa-
chusets surreal jackanapes with continental wives, poverty
sketchbook gesso oil watercolor masters from American
provinces
Then highschool teachers, lonely Irish librarians, delicate biblio-
philes, sex liberation troops nay armies, ladies of either sex
'I met him dozens of times he never remembered my name I loved
him anyway, true artist'
'Nervous breakdown after menopause, his poetry humor saved me
from suicide hospitals'
'Charmant, genius with modest manners, washed sink, dishes my
studio guest a week in Budapest'
Thousands of readers, 'Howl changed my life in Libertyville Illinois'
'I saw him read Montclair State Teachers College decided be a poet-- '
'He turned me on, I started with garage rock sang my songs in Kansas
City'
'Kaddish made me weep for myself & father alive in Nevada City'
'Father Death comforted me when my sister died Boston l982'
'I read what he said in a newsmagazine, blew my mind, realized
others like me out there'
Deaf & Dumb bards with hand signing quick brilliant gestures
Then Journalists, editors's secretaries, agents, portraitists & photo-
graphy aficionados, rock critics, cultured laborors, cultural
historians come to witness the historic funeral
Super-fans, poetasters, aging Beatnicks & Deadheads, autograph-
hunters, distinguished paparazzi, intelligent gawkers
Everyone knew they were part of 'History' except the deceased
who never knew exactly what was happening even when I was alive
February 22, 1997
= = = = = = = = = =
There was an Old Man with a gong by Edward Lear
There was an Old Man with a gong,
Who bumped at it all the day long;
But they called out, 'O law!
You're a horrid old bore!'
So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.
= = = = = = = = = =
After The Sea-Ship by Walt Whitman
After the Sea-Ship--after the whistling winds;
After the white-gray sails, taut to their spars and ropes,
Below, a myriad, myriad waves, hastening, lifting up their necks,
Tending in ceaseless flow toward the track of the ship:
Waves of the ocean, bubbling and gurgling, blithely prying,
Waves, undulating waves--liquid, uneven, emulous waves,
Toward that whirling current, laughing and buoyant, with curves,
Where the great Vessel, sailing and tacking, displaced the surface;
Larger and smaller waves, in the spread of the ocean, yearnfully
flowing;
The wake of the Sea-Ship, after she passes--flashing and frolicsome,
under the sun,
A motley procession, with many a fleck of foam, and many fragments,
Following the stately and rapid Ship--in the wake following.
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