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A selection of random funny poems from our vast collection of 100000 poems by famous and less famous poets - enjoy!

Funny myra cohn livingston poems and other poetry



Rhapsody on a Windy Night by T. S. Eliot

Twelve o’clock.
Along the reaches of the street
Held in a lunar synthesis,
Whispering lunar incantations
Dissolve the floors of memory
And all its clear relations
Its divisions and precisions,
Every street lamp that I pass
Beats like a fatalistic drum,
And through the spaces of the dark
Midnight shakes the memory
As a madman shakes a dead geranium.

Half-past one,
The street-lamp sputtered,
The street-lamp muttered,
The street-lamp said, “Regard that woman
Who hesitates toward you in the light of the door
Which opens on her like a grin.
You see the border of her dress
Is torn and stained with sand,
And you see the corner of her eye
Twists like a crooked pin.”

The memory throws up high and dry
A crowd of twisted things;
A twisted branch upon the beach
Eaten smooth, and polished
As if the world gave up
The secret of its skeleton,
Stiff and white.
A broken spring in a factory yard,
Rust that clings to the form that the strength has left
Hard and curled and ready to snap.

Half-past two,
The street-lamp said,
“Remark the cat which flattens itself in the gutter,
Slips out its tongue
And devours a morsel of rancid butter.”
So the hand of the child, automatic,
Slipped out and pocketed a toy that was running along the quay.
I could see nothing behind that child’s eye.
I have seen eyes in the street
Trying to peer through lighted shutters,
And a crab one afternoon in a pool,
An old crab with barnacles on his back,
Gripped the end of a stick which I held him.

Half-past three,
The lamp sputtered,
The lamp muttered in the dark.
The lamp hummed:
“Regard the moon,
La lune ne garde aucune rancune,
She winks a feeble eye,
She smiles into corners.
She smooths the hair of the grass.
The moon has lost her memory.
A washed-out smallpox cracks her face,
Her hand twists a paper rose,
That smells of dust and eau de Cologne,
She is alone
With all the old nocturnal smells
That cross and cross across her brain.”
The reminiscence comes
Of sunless dry geraniums
And dust in crevices,
Smells of chestnuts in the streets,
And female smells in shuttered rooms,
And cigarettes in corridors
And cocktail smells in bars.

The lamp said,
“Four o’clock,
Here is the number on the door.
Memory!
You have the key,
The little lamp spreads a ring on the stair.
Mount.
The bed is open; the tooth-brush hangs on the wall,
Put your shoes at the door, sleep, prepare for life.”

The last twist of the knife.


= = = = = = = = = =



There was an Old Man of Leghorn by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
The smallest as ever was born;
But quickly snapt up he,
Was once by a puppy,
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.


= = = = = = = = = =



Chanting The Square Deific by Walt Whitman

Chanting the square deific, out of the One advancing, out of the
sides;
Out of the old and new--out of the square entirely divine,
Solid, four-sided, (all the sides needed)... from this side JEHOVAH
am I,
Old Brahm I, and I Saturnius am;
Not Time affects me--I am Time, old, modern as any;
Unpersuadable, relentless, executing righteous judgments;
As the Earth, the Father, the brown old Kronos, with laws,
Aged beyond computation--yet ever new--ever with those mighty laws
rolling,
Relentless, I forgive no man--whoever sins, dies--I will have that
man's life;
Therefore let none expect mercy--Have the seasons, gravitation, the
appointed days, mercy?--No more have I;
But as the seasons, and gravitation--and as all the appointed days,
that forgive not,
I dispense from this side judgments inexorable, without the least
remorse.


Consolator most mild, the promis'd one advancing,
With gentle hand extended--the mightier God am I,
Foretold by prophets and poets, in their most rapt prophecies and
poems;
From this side, lo! the Lord CHRIST gazes--lo! Hermes I--lo! mine is
Hercules' face;
All sorrow, labor, suffering, I, tallying it, absorb in myself;
Many times have I been rejected, taunted, put in prison, and
crucified--and many times shall be again;
All the world have I given up for my dear brothers' and sisters'
sake--for the soul's sake;
Wending my way through the homes of men, rich or poor, with the kiss
of affection;
For I am affection--I am the cheer-bringing God, with hope, and all-
enclosing Charity;
(Conqueror yet--for before me all the armies and soldiers of the
earth shall yet bow--and all the weapons of war become
impotent:)
With indulgent words, as to children--with fresh and sane words, mine
only;
Young and strong I pass, knowing well I am destin'd myself to an
early death:
But my Charity has no death--my Wisdom dies not, neither early nor
late,
And my sweet Love, bequeath'd here and elsewhere, never dies.


Aloof, dissatisfied, plotting revolt,
Comrade of criminals, brother of slaves,
Crafty, despised, a drudge, ignorant,
With sudra face and worn brow, black, but in the depths of my heart,
proud as any;
Lifted, now and always, against whoever, scorning, assumes to rule
me;
Morose, full of guile, full of reminiscences, brooding, with many
wiles,
(Though it was thought I was baffled and dispell'd, and my wiles
done--but that will never be;)
Defiant, I, SATAN, still live--still utter words--in new lands duly
appearing, (and old ones also;)
Permanent here, from my side, warlike, equal with any, real as any,
Nor time, nor change, shall ever change me or my words.


Santa SPIRITA, breather, life,
Beyond the light, lighter than light,
Beyond the flames of hell--joyous, leaping easily above hell;
Beyond Paradise--perfumed solely with mine own perfume;
Including all life on earth--touching, including God--including
Saviour and Satan;
Ethereal, pervading all, (for without me, what were all? what were
God?)
Essence of forms--life of the real identities, permanent, positive,
(namely the unseen,)
Life of the great round world, the sun and stars, and of man--I, the
general Soul,
Here the square finishing, the solid, I the most solid,
Breathe my breath also through these songs.


= = = = = = = = = =



There was an old person of Dover by Edward Lear

There was an old person of Dover,
Who rushed through a field of blue Clover;
But some very large bees,
Stung his nose and his knees,
So he very soon went back to Dover.



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